i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
