i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Randomize
