He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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