so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
