check it out our google latitudes are spooning
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
