I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
