why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
