she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
