i dont even know how to be here
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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