Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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