I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
