clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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