It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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