I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Randomize
