I showed him my bush... on skype.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
