she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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