I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
