I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
