i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
