I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
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