I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
