I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Drake has all the answers
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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