i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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