Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
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