I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I made him laugh his dick is mine
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
