just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize
