True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
