I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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