you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
