Barsexuality is the new black.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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