This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
