Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Randomize
