Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
