i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
