just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
