Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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