if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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