My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
