so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize
