I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
That's intense
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
