Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
