Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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