i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
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