just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
