And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
