I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
