Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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