you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
how drunk are you?
Several
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
