Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
