C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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